Separation Anxiety (July 2017)

I was never afraid to die
Until I met you.
My golden haired,
Stormy eyed
Angel.
You appeared to me in your glory
of unsmoked cigarettes
And a worn out skateboard.
You took my hand and I
Vowed to love you forever.
You promised no storm nor
Mountain could separate our souls.
So when our souls are tired,
And the light within us burns out,
I will wait at the gates for you.
Gold lined streets are nothing if
We are not there to walk on them together,
I want to hold your hand in the eternity
After life,
I want to gaze upon the universe
With you by my side.
How could the heavens be a place of love
If the one I love
Is not with me.

Smoke Break (July 2017)

I took your hand as we drove around
For a smoke break in your car
Street lights blurred into headlights
And the music from your radio
Drowned out the busyness around of everything
Around us.
Your smile illuminates the fading light
As we laugh.
I look at you and remember all the
moments
I should have kissed you.
But now these are the moments I live for.
I hope to always have your fingers
intertwined with mine
I lay my head back,
And watch the stars appear into the purple
sky.

Lilac (June 2017)

I came home smelling like you,
And the sky was a fading shade of blue.
I’ve studied the light freckles
forming constellations on your face,
I can’t think of another place I’d rather be
than anywhere with you.
I remember every word you said
As we laid in your bed,
Your eyes glowing in the dwindling light.
Sometimes my mind will run away from me
my thoughts closing in,
Like I can’t see,
But with you lying next to me,
I know it will be alright.

Clouds (June 2017)

She said,
Something in the air tastes bitter tonight
And he told her it was in her head again.
The purple sky melted away
into the later part of the day,
And the darkness stretched,
As the stars shone right through her.
The moon was in his eyes
And she knew the way
He was staring so far away
She wondered how far his mind could go.
As she laid her hand over his and said,
I know it’s in my head.

I Wanted You: A Story (May 2017)

When I first saw you,
You didn’t smile
No words came from your mouth
You didn’t even look at me.
You just stood quietly and did your work,
While I did mine.
I watched your hands put each item in the
bag,
And I caught a glimpse of the stormiest
blue eyes I’ve ever seen.
I did not know then
How they would be a motif in writings to
come.

We were young.
You were clad in braces and glasses that
you would sometimes take off and fidget
in your hands.
I found it endearing.
But it was like you were battling with
something that
You couldn’t say aloud.
We sat alone in the break room.
Side by side not saying anything.
You didn’t even tell me your name.
I had learned it from another coworker.
While you were eating,
I took the time to lock you into my
memory.
Your blonde hair spilling out from your
sweatshirt hood,
Your lips protruding because of the
braces,
Your strong hands, fingernails bitten and
chewed,
Your slender nose,
You were beautiful.
I felt the electric feeling tingle through to
my fingertips
As I fought every urge to grab your
hand.
I wanted you
But I couldn’t have you.
Not yet.

We settled as friends
Even though we both felt the magnetic pull
between us.
You were the color in the mundane job we
both shared.
Seeing you caused such a jolt in my chest,
That I would have to look away.
Every time you came near,
I would fidget with my hair
Or check my appearance
in the monitor screen
I made the mistake of telling you how I felt
Before it was time.
I kicked myself for my childish decision.
I wasn’t ready for you yet.

Frigid winter days melted into summer
And the magnetic pull between us was
becoming stronger.
We spent days in your car listening to your
music.
We went to the park and I allowed myself
to lay my head in your lap.
I should have felt guilty.
But I didn’t.
Your braces were gone
And your teeth were perfect and beautiful
Just like everything about you.
With each passing day, I was falling more.
We would find ourselves sitting hand in
hand.
The feeling of your rough fingers over
mine
Sent me into a frenzy.
At night we would lay on my bed
And you wouldn’t say a word.
Your blue eyes staring off into some far
away place I could never reach.
Sometimes I would notice tears spilling
from them
And all of my instincts would scream to
grab you and hold you in my arms.
My childish nature stopped me.
That would be crossing the line
Of the perfect friendship in a teenage
summer.

Then there was her.
A new color to our mundane job
Who seemed to bring a sparkle to your
eye.
I noticed it right away.
Long curly hair,
I bet she didn’t pull at hers.
A bubbly personality,
Popular in school,
Everything I wasn’t.
I envied every inch of her as
You spent more time at her register
Than mine.
I shouldn’t be feeling like this,
It wasn’t fair of me.
But I didn’t care.
I wanted you.
But I couldn’t have you yet.
So I befriended her.

Months passed slowly as we began
drifting apart.
And it was my fault.
Everything creating cracks between us
Was caused by me.
We stopped working the same shifts.
I never saw you.
You hated me.
And it was all by my own doing.
I hated myself.
I craved to just even catch a glimpse of
you.
I spent hours thinking about how
It would have been if I
Did things differently.
I spent nights writing poems about you,
Days driving to our old spots to relive the
moments
Spent with you.
I took them for granted.
I remembered a day in particular when you
told me I looked radiant
And different from the other girls.
It was etched in my mind.
I would hear rumors about you from time
to time.
One was that you had found someone
else.
Proven to be true by a reliable source
Who spotted you holding hands with her.
Not the curly headed girl,
But someone else.
I’d had enough.
I was finished being childish.
I wanted you.
And I was ready for you.

So I told you.
I spilled my soul to you.
I wasn’t expecting anything in return,
But in the back of my mind,
I was hoping
You wanted me too.
You were angry.
Hurt.
Everything I expected you to be.
You told me
You were with someone else now
That I had chosen the worst time.
I bitterly swallowed your words.
I had waited too long.
I had taken this beautiful masterpiece and
Crushed it into pieces.
Pieces that I didn’t know how to put back
together.
I deserved this.
I deserved to watch you live a life without
me.
I would always hate myself for this.

Until one warm spring day,
You told me you were ready.
That original electric feeling took hold over
me.
You came to my house
It had been so long since I’d seen you in
my room.
Such a personal space.
I fidgeted with my hair
And checked my appearance in the mirror.
There you were.
Standing in front of me.
Blonde hair spilling from under your
backwards hat,
Hands in your pockets,
Blue eyes staring straight at me.
I felt such a jolt in my chest,
That I had to look away.
We laid on my bed
Just like those summer days,
And I laid my head on your chest.
No guilt.
Just warmth.
You told me you had to leave for work,
So I drove you to your car parked in the
street.
We sat for a minute
And you were looking at me the way all
girls want to be looked at.
The sun was setting behind you,
Making your hair golden.
You said there was something you had
been wanting to do for a long time.
I knew what it was but I pretended like I
didn’t.
My heart was pounding,
The magnetic pull closing in as you leaned
closer.
Your lips touched mine.
Electric sparks ignited in my brain
As we finally met in the right way.
I wanted you.
I was ready for you.

Here I am three years from when I first saw you,
Still in love with you.
You have shown me how to love
unconditionally.
You have completed me in every way that
someone could be completed.
Every kiss is as electric as the first,
Every time I look at you,
It’s like the first.
Long blonde hair spilling from your ball
cap,
Strong hands enveloping mine,
Slender nose,
And those beautiful stormy blue eyes.
I want you
Forever
I’m ready.

Wake Up (Dec 2015)

Here I am lying breathless
In a whirlpool of dreams
The dreams are better than
This reality.
Sometimes it’s a shame to wake up.
Drowning myself in alcohol or high
To make it all disappear.
It won’t ever disappear.
Shadows of who I once was
Will always be here to
Haunt me.
My hand will always be pressed
Against the glass,
Showing me all the choices I
Didn’t make.
Taunting me with their different
Outcomes.
It takes my breath away.
Suffocating
Until
Every
Last
Breath
Is
Gone.
Wake up.

Starlight (June 2016)

You’ve got starlight running through your
veins
And I’ve got the night running through
mine
Let’s let our souls collide
For you are the stars to my dark sky.
You are the moon,
Illuminating every part of me until I’m full
of light again,
And lighting up a path for me to walk on.
You are the dream awake in reality,
Your celestial essence is the remedy my
soul craves
You’re alive inside of me,
Affecting my heart and brain waves,
Taking hold of me and turning me into
something
Good.
I was a combination of dust and bones
groggily dragging through the phases of
time,
But you are the chalice I drink from to
make me
Illuminate.
Now you are running through my veins,
And we are both magnificent stars in the
dark sky of life.