I am Writing This For You (Dec 2015)

I am writing this for you.
I know the seas aren’t the most calm right
And you’re fighting to keep from drowning,
But I am writing this for you.
Years from now,
You’re going to feel the sun on your face,
Warming every inch of your skin,
Dazzling your eyes.
You’re going to run to the city,
Buy a studio apartment and live among
those who are chasing their dreams
You’re going to glow under the city lights and
Walk hand in hand down the sidewalks
with someone who smiles at you with their
And sees you for the beautiful mess that
you are
And love every part of you.
For you are only a mess, not corrupted.
You are going to stand by the ocean
And breathe in the salt and sand,
Knowing that you no longer have to fight,
Knowing you won’t drown.
You’ll gaze at a calm sea and accept that
you will have storms but you have a vessel
strong enough to weather them.
I am writing this for you,
A warrior of your own soul,
Still persevering,
Still winning the battles,
And ultimately the war.
I am writing this for you.


Stormy Eyed Muse (Jan 2016)

I watched the snow swirl around your face
Your incredibly blue eyes staring off
Like you always do.
Wandering somewhere far away from
where we stood.
Dull streetlights lit our way as I followed
behind you on another unknown
But you stopped and stared at the sky
while lonely cars passed us by
I walked up next to you, squinting in the
direction you were focused on,
Hoping I could just maybe see an inkling of
what you saw
But I’ll never see what you see.
You see things so abstractly and in vibrant
color, and how it might have been in a
previous life.
While most of us can only see the black
and white.
You put your arm around me so quietly,
your hand softy landing on my shoulder,
not even the falling snow was disturbed.
And you brought me closer to you,
Keeping me warm.
Everything is so real until I open my eyes
and once again I’m reminded of how you
are only my muse.
My stormy eyed muse.
And how I long for a memory that only
exists in my daydreams.

Anxiety (Sept 2016)

She lie in wait in the entangling forest
For her abductor.
Curled up to herself,
It was quiet,
All too quiet
She could hear her heart racing,
And her thoughts loud
Louder than the dark world raging around
She didn’t want this
She didn’t want to be captured
But maybe she deserved it.
She deserved to have the cold take over
her body,
Crippling her every move
And stifling her breath
She trembled as each slow and agonizing
footstep encroached
Faster and
Faster they were
They were coming.
The fear creating masses within her.
The moon had disappeared above her and
She opened her eyes.
She held up one quivering hand
And realized
She was her own abductor.

Individualist Teenage Machine (Dec 2016)

Individualist teenage machine
I’ve got holes in my face full of wires and
Let me be who I am
And against what I’m not
Even though it’s really the Establishment
controlling my train of thought.
Look at me,
I’ve got ink stains on my skin
I’m so goddamned unhappy in this sack of
bones I’m in,
Let me rebel
And post that I’m going to hell
Because I want everyone to know that I’m
different and refuse to follow The Man
But I’m crying inside,
What a sham I am,
I can’t  even commit to my own beliefs.
So I drink away the pain,
And get high to stimulate my brain
Just for some sense of relief.
Individualist teenage machine,
I don’t want to die alone
But what is left for me?
I want to be loved for my scars and bruises
But I don’t need their goddamn approval
To tell me how to live my life,
I want to be free,
But I can’t do that if I want someone to
love me
I am so different in this world of gray,
Alone at night,
And carbon copy by day
We’re all the same,
Just making a name
For this generation of Establishment kids.
Individualist teenage machine
I don’t know who I am
I don’t know what I mean.