October in Washington (Sept 2017)

Pale shades of blue
Danced in your eyes
As your skin glowed in the light of the TV.
I kissed your lips,
And they tasted like smoke.
A taste I had come to crave just like
I crave your fingers tracing the curve of my
thighs.
You are the kind of art that makes me feel
as if I exist somewhere greater than this
snow globe world,
With its people monotonously living.
An exemplary display of soft and jagged
lines,
Your colors changing with each shade of
light,
Oceanic eyes,
Windows to a sea
that I could lose myself in its storms for an
eternity.

I stepped outside
After that night
to a brisk, gray morning.
Your shirt shrouded me in your
Trademark scent of clean linen.
The sun shone down in patches
As calico leaves fell to the ground.
It was like October in Washington.

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Smoke Break (July 2017)

I took your hand as we drove around
For a smoke break in your car
Street lights blurred into headlights
And the music from your radio
Drowned out the busyness around of everything
Around us.
Your smile illuminates the fading light
As we laugh.
I look at you and remember all the
moments
I should have kissed you.
But now these are the moments I live for.
I hope to always have your fingers
intertwined with mine
I lay my head back,
And watch the stars appear into the purple
sky.

Lilac (June 2017)

I came home smelling like you,
And the sky was a fading shade of blue.
I’ve studied the light freckles
forming constellations on your face,
I can’t think of another place I’d rather be
than anywhere with you.
I remember every word you said
As we laid in your bed,
Your eyes glowing in the dwindling light.
Sometimes my mind will run away from me
my thoughts closing in,
Like I can’t see,
But with you lying next to me,
I know it will be alright.

I Wanted You: A Story (May 2017)

When I first saw you,
You didn’t smile
No words came from your mouth
You didn’t even look at me.
You just stood quietly and did your work,
While I did mine.
I watched your hands put each item in the
bag,
And I caught a glimpse of the stormiest
blue eyes I’ve ever seen.
I did not know then
How they would be a motif in writings to
come.

We were young.
You were clad in braces and glasses that
you would sometimes take off and fidget
in your hands.
I found it endearing.
But it was like you were battling with
something that
You couldn’t say aloud.
We sat alone in the break room.
Side by side not saying anything.
You didn’t even tell me your name.
I had learned it from another coworker.
While you were eating,
I took the time to lock you into my
memory.
Your blonde hair spilling out from your
sweatshirt hood,
Your lips protruding because of the
braces,
Your strong hands, fingernails bitten and
chewed,
Your slender nose,
You were beautiful.
I felt the electric feeling tingle through to
my fingertips
As I fought every urge to grab your
hand.
I wanted you
But I couldn’t have you.
Not yet.

We settled as friends
Even though we both felt the magnetic pull
between us.
You were the color in the mundane job we
both shared.
Seeing you caused such a jolt in my chest,
That I would have to look away.
Every time you came near,
I would fidget with my hair
Or check my appearance
in the monitor screen
I made the mistake of telling you how I felt
Before it was time.
I kicked myself for my childish decision.
I wasn’t ready for you yet.

Frigid winter days melted into summer
And the magnetic pull between us was
becoming stronger.
We spent days in your car listening to your
music.
We went to the park and I allowed myself
to lay my head in your lap.
I should have felt guilty.
But I didn’t.
Your braces were gone
And your teeth were perfect and beautiful
Just like everything about you.
With each passing day, I was falling more.
We would find ourselves sitting hand in
hand.
The feeling of your rough fingers over
mine
Sent me into a frenzy.
At night we would lay on my bed
And you wouldn’t say a word.
Your blue eyes staring off into some far
away place I could never reach.
Sometimes I would notice tears spilling
from them
And all of my instincts would scream to
grab you and hold you in my arms.
My childish nature stopped me.
That would be crossing the line
Of the perfect friendship in a teenage
summer.

Then there was her.
A new color to our mundane job
Who seemed to bring a sparkle to your
eye.
I noticed it right away.
Long curly hair,
I bet she didn’t pull at hers.
A bubbly personality,
Popular in school,
Everything I wasn’t.
I envied every inch of her as
You spent more time at her register
Than mine.
I shouldn’t be feeling like this,
It wasn’t fair of me.
But I didn’t care.
I wanted you.
But I couldn’t have you yet.
So I befriended her.

Months passed slowly as we began
drifting apart.
And it was my fault.
Everything creating cracks between us
Was caused by me.
We stopped working the same shifts.
I never saw you.
You hated me.
And it was all by my own doing.
I hated myself.
I craved to just even catch a glimpse of
you.
I spent hours thinking about how
It would have been if I
Did things differently.
I spent nights writing poems about you,
Days driving to our old spots to relive the
moments
Spent with you.
I took them for granted.
I remembered a day in particular when you
told me I looked radiant
And different from the other girls.
It was etched in my mind.
I would hear rumors about you from time
to time.
One was that you had found someone
else.
Proven to be true by a reliable source
Who spotted you holding hands with her.
Not the curly headed girl,
But someone else.
I’d had enough.
I was finished being childish.
I wanted you.
And I was ready for you.

So I told you.
I spilled my soul to you.
I wasn’t expecting anything in return,
But in the back of my mind,
I was hoping
You wanted me too.
You were angry.
Hurt.
Everything I expected you to be.
You told me
You were with someone else now
That I had chosen the worst time.
I bitterly swallowed your words.
I had waited too long.
I had taken this beautiful masterpiece and
Crushed it into pieces.
Pieces that I didn’t know how to put back
together.
I deserved this.
I deserved to watch you live a life without
me.
I would always hate myself for this.

Until one warm spring day,
You told me you were ready.
That original electric feeling took hold over
me.
You came to my house
It had been so long since I’d seen you in
my room.
Such a personal space.
I fidgeted with my hair
And checked my appearance in the mirror.
There you were.
Standing in front of me.
Blonde hair spilling from under your
backwards hat,
Hands in your pockets,
Blue eyes staring straight at me.
I felt such a jolt in my chest,
That I had to look away.
We laid on my bed
Just like those summer days,
And I laid my head on your chest.
No guilt.
Just warmth.
You told me you had to leave for work,
So I drove you to your car parked in the
street.
We sat for a minute
And you were looking at me the way all
girls want to be looked at.
The sun was setting behind you,
Making your hair golden.
You said there was something you had
been wanting to do for a long time.
I knew what it was but I pretended like I
didn’t.
My heart was pounding,
The magnetic pull closing in as you leaned
closer.
Your lips touched mine.
Electric sparks ignited in my brain
As we finally met in the right way.
I wanted you.
I was ready for you.

Here I am three years from when I first saw you,
Still in love with you.
You have shown me how to love
unconditionally.
You have completed me in every way that
someone could be completed.
Every kiss is as electric as the first,
Every time I look at you,
It’s like the first.
Long blonde hair spilling from your ball
cap,
Strong hands enveloping mine,
Slender nose,
And those beautiful stormy blue eyes.
I want you
Forever
I’m ready.

I am Writing This For You (Dec 2015)

I am writing this for you.
I know the seas aren’t the most calm right
now,
And you’re fighting to keep from drowning,
But I am writing this for you.
Years from now,
You’re going to feel the sun on your face,
Warming every inch of your skin,
Dazzling your eyes.
You’re going to run to the city,
Buy a studio apartment and live among
those who are chasing their dreams
You’re going to glow under the city lights and
Walk hand in hand down the sidewalks
with someone who smiles at you with their
eyes,
And sees you for the beautiful mess that
you are
And love every part of you.
For you are only a mess, not corrupted.
You are going to stand by the ocean
And breathe in the salt and sand,
Knowing that you no longer have to fight,
Knowing you won’t drown.
You’ll gaze at a calm sea and accept that
you will have storms but you have a vessel
strong enough to weather them.
I am writing this for you,
A warrior of your own soul,
Still persevering,
Still winning the battles,
And ultimately the war.
I am writing this for you.